New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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