I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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