Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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