I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
