I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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