If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
