someone threw a dead crab at me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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