Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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