Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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