as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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