Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
