If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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