her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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