I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
a search helicopter?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
