Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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