Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
