weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
