but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
