soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
