Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
