It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
