I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
