Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
