He kissed a someone with a penis
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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