he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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