My first STD was from a foam party
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
