I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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