i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
