Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
