i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
