I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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