Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
