dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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