just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
