I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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