I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Be still, my beating vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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