the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
