im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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