I've blown a few things in my day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
