Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
