If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
