He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize