butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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