After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
