The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
