When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
