arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
