his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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