Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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