it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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