I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
