I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
