Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize