just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
