I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize