He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize