Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
