So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
