She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Randomize
