she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
