the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
