My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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