Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
