Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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