yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
