He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
