so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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