we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
