I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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