And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
