literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
