Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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