apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
