I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
