Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
