Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
