Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
