yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Never underestimate the power of titties
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
