I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Someone came in the potted fern
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
