Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want her autograph on my taint
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
