So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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