I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
