Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
