i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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