I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
