in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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